The Guide To Playground Technology

A Sunday morning trip to the park is a great opportunity for parents and bubs to bond, while sleep-deprived partners bond with the bed. (Take note dads!)

But new parents who’ve not been near a playground since childhood may be daunted by the range of modern play equipment on offer. We’ve researched the seven steps to maximising your playground effectiveness.

7) Slippery slide technology has progressed significantly. The standard pressed-metal model which caused blistered buttocks in summer has been superseded by the enclosed plastic tube variety. These are safer in every way except for the teeth-zapping electrical charge your child will give you upon landing.

6) Be mindful that if your toddler insists on climbing up the slide when other kids are queuing to slide down, the line between cute and annoying is approximately 10 seconds.

5) The humble swing now comes in a choice of the traditional horizontal-hammock style, or the newer bum-bucket seat equipped with a chain safety belt. The latter model ensures a longer, safer ride, however parents should note that an hour is generally considered too long for a single ride, even if your toddler has fallen asleep.

4) Some parents may be enticed by their child’s pleas to push the swing ‘HIGHER! HIGHER! HIGHER!’ In such situations, never forget that the urban legend of the kid who achieved a full 360 degree loop remains just that.

3) Traditional monkey bars or ‘femur smashers’ have been removed from many parks and replaced with spider webs. Real spider webs in some instances where no new equipment has been installed, or giant rope spider webs reaching two storeys into the sky. These are harder to climb than they appear from the ground – a point worth considering before you utter the words, “Watch how fast daddy can climb to the top!”

2) Seesaw technology has evolved from the conventional wooden plank catapult style to a spring-loaded metal model designed to replicate the sensation of being repeatedly thwacked in the backside by frypan.

1) Many modern playgrounds feature a manual rotation device known as a ‘Spinny thing,’ consisting of a pole with a small one-child platform. This device has been formulated to rapidly shift your child’s health from normal to green-faced and projectile vomiting. Users are advised to bring a change of clothes for both your child and yourself.

What has changed at your local park since you were a kid?